Tag: amwriting

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Dumb things to do during lockdown

mjmarsauthor

I don’t know about you, but lockdown has really made me wish I’d done more with my life. And I’m not talking about writing (it goes without saying – I ALWAYS wish I’d done more there), but dumb little things that have always bugged me. Things that I should have learned when I was a kid, but never got around to doing. Or, more likely, was too self-conscious back then to really stick at it and learn.

It started back in June, when a couple of my friends decided to set health related goals for the month. We pored over running medal sites and signed up to challenges, stuck Yoga with Adriene on three times a week, and happily accepted the 25 press-ups for 25 day Facebook challenges. Then July hit and I chose something a little different…

The Keepie-uppie challenge

I’ve always been jealous of people who can churn out endless keepie-uppies (a quick explanation, in case you need it – keepie-ups is juggling a football with your feet). I was a tom-boy as a kid, but my crippling social embarrassment prevented me from ever learning anything remotely tricky and physical. I always had the mindset that if I couldn’t do it within three tries, I was embarrassing and useless and should forget the whole thing. So, I decided that my July challenge was going to be learn how to keepie-up, finishing the month with masterful round-the-worlds and catching the ball on the back of my neck. Simple, right?

Oh holy fuck, I was so, so wrong. Out of everything I’ve done in the last couple of months – scratch that – my entire life, keepie-uppies are without doubt the hardest; not to mention my August challenge was to learn to skateboard to ollie (more on that later…). I got off to a rough start with the football, I have to say. I ordered a training strap and a ball (allegedly) from Amazon at the start of July. Only, I didn’t read the fine print and all that came was the strap. Pretty useless without a ball, my friends. Then, I had to wait three weeks for the ball to be delivered. And when it arrived it was flat, of course. Guess who didn’t have a pump?! So, as you can see, the universe did not want me to learn how to juggle a football in July 2020. But that didn’t matter, did it? Surely I only needed a week of practice to get a stupid ball to pop from one foot to the other? My God. Long story short, it’s the end of August, so I’ve been practising hard for about five weeks now. This week I managed to juggle three in a row, and have managed to go from foot to foot a handful of times. It took me two weeks to manage to get my foot in the right position so the ball didn’t just trickle away. In my defence, I only have size 3 feet, so I’m sure that doesn’t help, right? Anyway, when it came time to announce August goals I was feeling pretty disheartened. But, in the spirit of overcoming childhood insecurities and learning the things I’d always wanted to pick up as a kid, I set my challenge and bought my gear…

Skate to ollie

Okay, so this was ambitious. But, I’ve always loved skateboarding. I’ve played hours of the Tony Hawk games, watched endless X-Games and Tampa Pro clips, and daydreamed about skating down the boardwalk at Venice Beach. I should have picked up a board as a kid and just gone for it, but again my stupid brain decided falling was too embarrassing and so I never stuck with it. August came and I ordered my pads and helmet. Got a nifty little TH Pro board and some new DC skate shoes. I was ready.

You know what, it’s been going pretty well! I managed to get the basic skate down quicker than I expected, and moved on to kickturns. That ended pretty messily when I didn’t realise my elbow pad had ridden up, as you can see in the pic, but hey – it’s all part of the skate process. Last week we went out and learned ollies in the grass and a slow-mo video proved that I managed to lift all four wheels up on my last few ollies. Haven’t taken it to the pavement yet, and I’m not exactly hurtling into the SLS 9 club, but I’ve got the steps down at least. So yeah, for me, skateboarding is easier than juggling a frickin’ football. Slightly more bloody and painful, but hey, it goes with the territory.

A qualification in…monsters?!

That’s right, my friends. I now have a Cryptozoology Diploma. I have loved all things monster since I was a kid. I’ve trekked to Loch Ness (a twelve-hour round trip on a raging hangover), I’ve got Bob Gimlin’s autograph, I have a wall of sea monster maps and monster pics, and shelves full of books on the subject. And now, bringing my level of nerd to soaring heights, I have my diploma.

It’s not that I believe that all monsters are real. I get the science, and I know the chances are pretty slim. I think the reason I love the idea of real monsters so much is that it gives me that rush that I had as a kid, thinking about Santa coming. I remember staring out of my bedroom window, watching the rooftops for reindeer and wishing harder than I’ve ever wished for anything that I could see him. Sadly, I didn’t get that feeling for long – I found out about Santa on Christmas day when I was six years old. (Full disclosure, I snuck a look at the presents my mum was keeping in her wardrobe and when I opened the one I’d looked at on Christmas morning, it was labelled “From Santa”. Talk about instant karma). I think I’ve been chasing the high ever since then. But that is certainly another dumb thing I’ve done in lockdown. It makes me laugh just looking at it. But, it’s mine and I stand by it.

Other than that, my goals have been writing related, so they can’t really fall into the ‘dumb’ category. I’ve finished the first draft of The Suffering, and started first edit (bring alcohol). I recorded a reading of one of my stories for the Horrorgasm Convention, so I’m hoping that will get accepted and go live in October. Now that The Suffering first draft is finished as of last week I’ve started sending shorts out again and have already sold to The Dread Machine, so that’s a really nice boost after so long without submitting.

Long story short, I recommend a bit of goal-setting, particularly if it involves learning something you always wanted to know, but never got around to for whatever reason. I guess with learning footy and skate, I’m sticking a big two fingers up at my old insecurities, and proving to myself that I can do it. It’s never too late. It’s almost time to set our September goals. I guess I always wanted to learn a really cool magic trick…what do you think?!

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The Shortlist Paradox

mjmarsauthor

After making a succession of short story anthology submissions this summer, the inevitable rejections have begun to slink into my inbox. It is a part of every writer’s world, so I am not complaining about the process. However, this last couple of weeks has had me musing over whether being notified that you have been shortlisted, only to be informed of rejection in the final cut, could be worse than not hearing anything at all until the axe falls.

Every submission comes with a ‘dare to dream’ moment or two. If it didn’t there would be no motive to submit in the first place! I usually submit with suppressed hopes, then put the publication completely out of my mind until I hear either way. Otherwise I find myself daydreaming about the possibilities. About what I would do if I got a yes. What would I post on social media? How would I tell my friends and family? Then the flutter of desire kicks in, and the potential for disappointment grows.

I had this recently with the latest SNAFU publication, Last Stand. As I mentioned in a previous blog, this publication was the anthology equivalent of the Holy Grail for me, as it will be introduced by the director Tim Miller. Marvel are a huge fixture in my household, so the potential to be linked to anything involving the Deadpool director was a huge draw. I crafted the story as best as I could. I looked back at previous hints and tips that the editors had provided, keen to tick every possible personal preference box on their list. Then, I hit ‘send’, locked the hopes and dreams in a little box in my brain marked “Do not open”, and went about my business. Then I heard the news that the story had made it through the first round of shortlisting. Wow. That was a buzz. The flame of possibility grew. I dared to dream a little bit. I was honoured that they liked my story, and repeatedly rationalised that at this stage, even if it was a ‘no’ in the end, I could be proud that it made it so far.

To my absolute shock and delight, I made it through the next round of cuts. At the beginning of that week, I had seen on the publication’s Facebook page that the next refusals were imminent, and I was convinced I would be amongst them. But I wasn’t. Double-wow. Could it possibly be? I started to get really excited. I talked about it with my friends, which is something I wouldn’t normally do unless I’d actually made it into the book. I’m cagey about my writing at the best of times, having always had a fear of the old ‘pride comes before a fall’ warnings. But this time, it couldn’t hurt to talk about it. It was a huge deal after all, and I clung to the fact that it was something of an accolade that the story had made it so far.

Well, come the final round of cuts. And a rejection letter. Albeit a very positive, constructive rejection letter, but a rejection nontheless. Wow again. But this time, a crushing, “Wow, I really thought I might have had that, there. Damn.” This was the moment that I started thinking about shortlist emails. They are always a joy, don’t get me wrong. And there was a point in my writing career when I would have chopped a hand off just to get one (possibly a counter-productive move – don’t judge me, I was a neurotic, fledgling writer!). But that moment of daring to dream a little bigger…The moment the “Do not open” sign gets torn off the hidden box in my brain that shows me visions of what I might do if I got the news that I’d been accepted. The moment when I let my daydreams wander to potential future opportunities that a yes decision may have brought. That kicks in as soon as the shortlist email comes in my inbox.

And, you know what? In the end, they ARE a good thing. Because it is that little boost that verifies that we’re on the right path. It’s the feedback from almost making the cut and being told exactly why we didn’t in the end that makes us better writers. That makes the next story an improvement on the last. It’s the step towards the next acceptance, because we’re always learning. The shortlist email, even if it makes the rejection a little more disappointing in the end, reminds us of why we do this. The rush. The thrill of the chase. The potential for that elusive ‘yes’.

So thank you to those editors who take the time to let us know when we’re through to the next round. And to those who let us down gently with constructive words when we don’t quite make the cut. We need thick skin in this industry, and at certain times for whatever reason, it’s not easy to remain positive. The shortlist reminds us that we’re almost there. Even if it’s a harder fall.

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News of all kinds

mjmarsauthor

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks. The day after I wrote my last post, where the dog and I had taken a trip to the orchard and it had inspired me to write a poem, Shadow collapsed and had to be put to sleep. It has been strange here ever since. If I could describe how we were with each other, I’d say that when we were together we would constantly look to each other. When we were apart, I would constantly look forward to seeing him. He was just a constant. To not have that now is the hardest thing, because there are habits that grow with love that you don’t even know are there. Each time I face a new automatic habit and then remind myself that he isn’t there it’s heartbreaking. But, looking back at our photos and videos together, I know he was happy right to the end, and that is the most reassuring thing of all. He was a rescue dog, and taking him from the shelter five years ago was the best thing I ever did. I would encourage anyone who is considering getting a pet to please go to your local rescue shelter first and foremost. We couldn’t have had a better fit in our lives, even if we’d raised him ourselves.

In terms of writing, I have never been the type of writer who thrives in dark times. In fact, my muse tends to dry up completely. It was a huge effort to complete the poem, ‘The Tree That Ate the Children’, the week after Shaddy passed, and I managed to just meet the deadline for submission. I don’t know if it’s any good, but it was finished and submitted, and that was enough that week. I’m pleased to say I managed to write yesterday. There are a number of exciting horror submission calls for the end of July/start of August, and I really hope I can come up with some good gory tales!

One word of warning that I learned myself this week – final deadline dates don’t always stay the same. I’ve known them to be pushed to a later date before, but never cut off a few weeks early due to popularity! This has happened with Dragon’s Roost’s ‘Monsters in Space’ anthology. It was such a great brief and I am happy to hear that they have had a successful submission response. But I am definitely sad that I didn’t get a shot at taking part! Still, it has taught me a new writing lesson, which I’ll try to bear in mind in future: Submit early if you can. I always tend to plan my submissions based on final date. I really need to revise that method in future!

Finally, the truly wonderful news this week. I submitted to SNAFU’s Last Stand sub call last month, after reading the brief and falling in love with the concept. The fact that Tim Miller is providing the introduction really is the icing on the cake. To appear in the anthology that features the director of Deadpool would truly be a life-affirming moment in my writing. Not to mention the fact that my hubby rocks around in a Deadpool dressing gown in the evenings, and that we used to have a hamster called D-Piddy in honour of the merc with a mouth. Tim Miller aside, the anthology itself looks to be incredibly special, not surprising since it’s coming from Cohesion Press. On Saturday I received an email saying my story had made it to final deliberations! After such a difficult couple of weeks this news was well received to say the least. I don’t know if I’ll make the final cut, obviously, but it is a huge boost to know the dream is in touching distance. Here’s to dreams coming true, even in the worst weeks!

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Recalling Magic

mjmarsauthor

As a result of sitting down to make New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve been thinking about how magical it was to first publish a short story. It’s a feeling I have enjoyed reminiscing about, because it has dawned on me that somewhere along the way I may have lost it. And that is definitely something I need to work on in 2019!

I had submitted to The Stringybark Prize, an Australian History fiction competition, and had written a wacky little story about a plucky young girl hunting for a bunyip. For those of you who don’t know, a bunyip is a cryptozoological swamp monster (yes, I am a geek!). Being accepted into the anthology, Marngrook, was such a thrilling moment. I remember telephoning everyone in my family to tell them, eagerly anticipating the arrival of the contributor copies, and sharing them out with pride.

I am fortunate enough to have had some short stories published since, but it recently dawned on me that in my quest to achieve the larger goal of publishing a full-sized novel, I have been forgetting to see the magic in every little victory. I commented about this in a post I made on Instagram yesterday (please come and connect with me if you have an account – @mjmarsauthor) and a lovely member of the writing community replied to say that they were still waiting for that feeling, having not yet been published. This got me to thinking, have I been a bit of an arse for saying that the magic has dimmed somewhat? After all, I am always over the moon to have any small successes in the industry, and don’t mean to sound at all ungrateful. But then I realised I have to be honest. Writers as a breed are extremely hard on ourselves. We all have our goals and dreams and not reaching them can feel as though we’re failing, no matter what we achieve along the way.

So, this year I am determined to remember to feel the magic in every step, and to celebrate each ‘small’ victory. After all, they felt like huge victories a few years ago! There is no reason to believe that they are any less because I haven’t met my ‘dream’ goals. We are so tempted to put time limits and additional pressure on ourselves, or to belittle the steps we have taken toward our main objective, that we forget to appreciate exactly what we already have.

Regardless of where in the writing process we are, we can make magic happen every day. And we do.